Today, I have decide to get out of this nonsense thing, this situation… I have decided to close the door of my heart until one time that I am ready to open it up again for guys… I just had enough of all this heart break, all this playing games with my hearts, all this waiting n what ever thing n situation that hurt me all this while. I just had enough. I decide not to wait for Mr. A anymore n yet not going to give any chances to other guys as well until one time that I’m sure I’m ready for that.
Seriously, I cannot bare it anymore. I just cant wait n to be broken hearted again. I’ve been through a lot of situation that hurt me n I just cant bare it anymore. My heart n feeling is not something to be fooled around, to be played around… people don’t know how it feels to be one like a living doll, how it feels to be the one who had been fooled around, how it feels to be one who other peoples thing that it has no feeling, how it feels to be the one that given hopes n yet the hopes didn’t even exist… people just don’t know how it felt…. It was like a heart crinkled by something hard, n waiting the time to burst into the air…. The cut was deep n it just can’t stop bleeding….
Mr A : Decide not to wait for Mr. A coz im tired of waiting. Im tired of giving hints n yet he act nothing, he ignore everything… I’m not trying to push him to select me as his gf… I just want to know what did he felt for me… why does he start all this at the first moment if he just want to play around… No matter what reasons for him to holds up what ever he does, I just cant wait anymore… Let he keeps all those reasons why… im tired of being a stupid one… chasing something that don’t worth to… chasing something that doesn’t care… giving hints to someone who ignores it… im just too tired of all that… Jangan nanti bila I dah takde perasaan kat dia, dia kembali terhegeh2 dekat i…. (becoz that’s what usually happen to me… huhu…) maybe, cannot stop immediately to let go of him, to forget about him… it takes time… n im willing to give that time for my own sake… I noe, I will let go of him, let go of what ever memory we’ve been through, let go all related things to him one day… it takes sometime to healed… huhu… n I just hope, Mr. A will be happy in what ever he do.
Z H : He had come back… but I don’t really like of this come back. I’m sure of my feeling towards this guy. I’ve try to open my heart n give chance to him to prove that he can find the key to my heart before. N yet he couple up with some one else. Bermati-matian asking bout me from others, getting helps from others to get me, stalked my FB profile everyday in order to know what am I doing, give hints towards me about his feeling n at last he couple with other girl…. Am I that hina? I ni takde perasaan ke? Boleh dibuat sesuka hati macam tu? Apa motif dia? Nak tengok sejauh mana I bg response than just ignore my feeling? Nak tengok sejauh mana dia macho sebab dapat permainkan perasaan perempuan??? OMG! Im not a specimen okay. Im not a doll that doesn’t have any feeling n heartless. Im a human, a girl with feeling n heart. Lepas buat camtu, kena tinggal dengan perempuan lain, then come back to me??? Gila apa… he had ruined his own chances by doing all that!! N bila buat come back, serious I don’t like the way he had tried so hard to win back my heart. I just can accept it. He try so hard to get me…. He want to win back my heart mcm petik jari. Lagi cepat lagi bagus… don’t want to wait any minutes to have my attention again. Oh, tolonglah… ingat aku neh apa? Lepas ko buat macam tu, ko ingat senang2 aku nak beri peluang kedua??? Mmg takkan lah…. For your information, u neh dh jadi slh satu penyebab I hilang trust towards men.. hilang trust towards what ever man said to woman… walaupun bukan penyebab utama, tp terimala hakikat yg u dh jadi one of the reasons why… huhu… Giving him a second chance??? Hmm, let the destiny n time be judges n decide the answer… I just don’t want to think bout other people’s feeling anymore… it’s time to be selfish n just thinking of my feeling….
Fahmi : I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t have feeling towards him. All this while, he is just a friend of mine. Nothing more…. My geng, my buddies but never will be more. He had confess what he felt for me in one email n I’ve reply to him. I mention that I cant fall for him coz I’ve fall for someone else. Even if I don’t fall for anybody, still I cannot accept him as my boyfie. Maybe we just meant to be friends. But he never try to accept it, not even once. Still trying to win my heart, trying to ignore what ever I told him before… Ish, tak boleh ke fhm bhsa Melayu yg senang tu. Aku tak boleh terima ko, okay. As for me, once I consider him as a close friend, hard for me to chance it to something else or something more. I mmg susah nak tukar taraf orang yg kawan dengan i. Kalau I dh terima dia as a geng rapat, mmg susah nak tukar benda tu g benda lain mcm jadi bf ke. Dh ckp, tp dia macam buat aku neh tak pernah cakap apa2. Aduila, tolong la faham… Tak payah nk ckp syg2, rindu2 segala bagai… I just cannot accept n reply it. Ingatkan lepas gtau perkara sebenar, dia leh terima me as a friend like before. Tp dia ignore la pulak apa aku ckp yg benar tuh… waaa, sakitnya bila fikir…
So, sekarang ni… I try to let go of Mr. A slowly, tapi tak beri peluang untuk lelaki lain as well. I just want to be alone… Pampered myself, take care of my own feeling instead of other, n focus on job seeking. Tak nak dengar apa orang cakap, tak nak fikir apa orang rasa, tak nak ambik tau apa orang fikir…. It’s my heart n feeling… I decide what is the best for me…. Not other people… So, sekarang ni, ko suka aku ke, ko nak rebut hati aku balik ke, ko nak permainkan perasaan aku ke, ko nk kata ko rindu ke, ko nak hold apa ko rasa kat aku ke, ko nak buat apa, AKU TAK KISAH… sekarang, yg aku tau, aku nak jaga hati aku sendiri… Aku dh penat jaga hati orang lain, tapi orang tak pernah pun nak consider jaga hati aku… Just nak jadi single, tak nak peduli perasaan suka kat orang lain or tak nak consider perasaan suka orang lain kat I… I just want to be alone… Semoga ada seseorang yang akan menyuluhkan sinar bahagia buatku di masa hadapan… Semoga akan berjumpa dengan seseorang yg betul2 penyabar untuk cari kunci pintu hati I… Semoga ada orang yang mmg ikhlas nak dekati I, yg terima I seadanya, yg tahu I juga punya hati dan perasaan, yg tahu I bukan barang permainan dan yang akan jaga diri dan hati I seikhlas n sejujurnya…. Amiin…
